What I hate about relationships...

I don't like trying to guess what's going on. Two plus two should equal four every time. There are no new derivatives that make it equal to more than four. You know what I mean, don't you? One minute they are saying, "I want you all to myself. I want you to be in my life forever. You are the one I been searching for all these years." Then, just hours, days or weeks later...they won't accept my call or return my text messages (within 24 hours). What is that all about?

Even worst, I don't like the strange excuses that follow the "missing-in-action" episodes. Come on let's review the "Top Ten Excuses" and the most difficult to dispute:
1) I left/lost my cell phone - at the gas station, restaurant, friend's house or at work.
2) My cell phone battery was dead and I didn't have the charger with me.
3) I have just been so busy at work, with family or with a dying friend (That's a real hard one to challenge).
4) I was just too embarrassed to face you or I was afraid of what you might say.
5) I broke my phone - I dropped it, it fell in the pool or off the car roof.
6) I needed some time to think, time to be alone.
7) I was getting too attached to you so I had to back off. I am not ready emotionally for this kind of commitment.
8) You deserve someone better than me, a football player, basketball player, a doctor or an independently wealthy man, not someone as "simple/plain" as I am.
9) I am jealous of all the other men who are flirting with you daily, I just can't compete. I just want to give up.
10) You don't want me anymore, I could tell from our last conversation. So, I just walked away to make it easy for you to find someone better.

These are just a few of the maddening excuses for not being "fully present" in the relationship. Why can't they just be honest? It would be refreshing to hear, "I am not really sure about us. I want to get to know other people as well." "Let me be frank,I have another girl that I have been seeing and I am not quite over her." "Give me a little rope, I am not yet ready to commit to you." "I am just playing the field, don't take our relationship so seriously." "Hey, I am just a dog trying to get a bone." "Can we just be sex-buddies?" I would just like the opportunity to know all the facts and then to choose if I still want to be in the relationship. Let me have a say in the game.

What are the benefits of being in a relationship?

That fact still remains that I am afraid to be in a relationship and I am tired of not being in a relationship. There are so many reasons why, some good and some not so good. I like having someone to share my daily thoughts with. You know that comfortable feeling of being able to speak freely, without fear of running him off. I like touching, that is, having someone I can hold tightly, hug, kiss and caress at will. I like having someone in my space to share a good hour of TV or game of scrabble. I like pleasing my man. I enjoy cooking a good meal, helping them with their business project, or satisfying them sexually. I like the deep appreciation that follows after I have added value to their day, year or life. Yea, I like being needed or seen as an essential part of their success. I like gifts of kindness. Anything from household chores to home repairs. I like unexpected gifts of money or merchandise. I like to be showered with unexpected affection and spur of the moment trips. Yes, I like the give and take of a relationship.

What do you like most?

How do you decide to date again?

So this is probably the most difficult turning point in recovery. That is, deciding to date again is particularly hard for a victim of domestic violence. It requires trusting someone again. Letting some get close enough to influence my life and close enough to be dangerous. This is hard because I question my judgment skills after the past failed relationships. Will I see the warning signs before it is too late? What am I really looking for in a mate? Is it financial support? Is it compassion? Is it companionship? Or, is it just physical? Which is more important in the relationship? The answers to the questions are particularly elusive. Their order of importance seem to change daily.